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Medical distinction between Guts and Balls

There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls.

We've all heard about people having Guts or Balls.

But do you really know the difference between them?

In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:


GUTS –

Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys,
being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask:
'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'


BALLS –

Is coming home late after a night out with the guys,
smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar,
slapping your wife on the butt and having the Balls to say:
'You're next, Dear ?


I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.
Medically, speaking there is No difference in the outcome.
………
Both result in hospital treatment.

LOVELY WEATHER FOR DUCKS.

3 Top Hat skippers die and go to heaven.

They get to the pearly gates and are greeted by St Peter who tells them that there is only one rule in heaven..

"DON'T TREAD ON THE DUCKS"

All agree and they go through the pearly gates.

There are ducks EVERYWHERE!!!


1st skipper accidentally treads on a duck.
St Peter comes along and shackes him to a really ugly woman who only likes stink boats.

2nd skipper despite his best efforts also treads on a duck,
St Peter comes along and shackles him to an even uglier woman who doesn't even like boats.

The 3rd skipper is determined to be very careful. Walks around on tip toes, taking extra care to avoid the ducks.

After some time St Peter comes along and shackles him to Miss Univervise who is also a Shipwright, great cook and loves sailing.

The 3rd skipper asks "What did I do to deserve this?"

She says... I don't know what you did but I trod on a duck"

An 85-year-old man was requested by his
Doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical
Exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take
This jar home and bring back a semen sample
Tomorrow.'

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared
At the doctor's office and gave him the jar,
Which was as clean and empty as on the
Previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man
Explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this -- first I tried
With my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried
With my left hand, but still nothing.

'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with
Her right hand, then with her left, still nothing.
She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in,
Then with her teeth out, still nothing.

'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door
And she tried too, first with both hands, then an
Armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between
Her knees, but still nothing.'

The doctor was shocked!
'You asked your neighbor?'

The old man replied,
'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.'